Más allá de la Comunicación en la Pareja

Psicólogo Marco Barrientos

¿Qué dice una pareja cuando dice que tiene problemas de comunicación?. Con gran frecuencia, y particularmente en el contexto de la terapia, las parejas suelen describir sus problemas como problemas de comunicación.

Hay una cuestión evidente aquí, la observación más concreta muestra que a los miembros de la pareja les cuesta entenderse, les cuesta ponerse de acuerdo e incluso, a veces, les cuesta mantener una conversación sin perderse en espacios de discusión a los que ni saben cómo entran. La explicación más inmediata de la que se echa mano es que, en algún punto del camino y por razones que no están del todo claras, esa pareja perdió la habilidad de conversar, extraviándose en un laberinto de recriminaciones mutuas sazonadas de la añoranza de aquellos tiempos en que era precisamente esa, la habilidad de conversar y de entenderse, una de las piedras angulares de la relación.

Referirse a esta situación catalogándola como un problema de comunicación es sobre simplificar una realidad mucho más compleja. Las parejas descubren con frustración que mejorar la sola habilidad de comunicación (existen muchos talleres y retiros para parejas, destinados a desarrollar  estas habilidades) no solo no resuelve el problema, si no que a veces lo empeora.

Lo que resulta apasionante en cualquier conflicto de pareja es su dimensión epistemológica, de la que los protagonistas apenas tienen conciencia. Lo que está en juego en la discrepancia es la propia definición de la realidad que poseen ambos miembros  de la pareja. De esta manera, las implicancias de las reiteradas discusiones cotidianas alcanzan niveles  de trascendencia que superan la conciencia de los implicados y son  el motivo por el cual se eternizan y no logran resolverse utilizando la vieja estrategia de “alguien tiene que ceder”.

El filósofo francés Roland Barthes decía, en su libro Fragmentos de un Discurso Amoroso, que una recurrencia observada en las parejas es que cada uno quiere hablar al final. Decir la última palabra es zanjar la cuestión, es terminar la discusión definiendo como es la situación en disputa, es imponer una realidad. La propia realidad. Tal situación es vivida por el otro como una imposición que resulta directamente inaceptable, porque viola la certeza más profunda que  se tiene frente al fenómeno en disputa.

La respuesta fácil para salir de la contienda puede ser ceder, entregarse al punto de vista del otro. En definitiva esto resulta en una especie de engaño: se hace aparecer que se está en acuerdo, cuando realmente  la propia certeza no ha variado en nada. Se “finge” que se está de acuerdo para superar la discusión contingente, pero a la primera señal de discordia se vuelve a la carga, una y otra vez en discusiones que parecen infinitas, aquellas en las que se comienza discutiendo por una cosa y se termina en esos temas que se suponían ya zanjados.

La solución de este punto no radica necesariamente en más o mejor comunicación, si no en aceptar una premisa compleja y sólo hasta cierto punto obvia: que ambos miembros de la pareja tienen diferentes, pero igualmente legítimas realidades.

 El primer paso aquí es acercarse a una comprensión profunda del otro. El segundo es entregarse a una interacción colaborativa  (por oposición a la competitiva) que permita, más que ganar el punto, encontrar un lugar intermedio en el que ambos se sientan suficientemente cómodos.

El desafío entonces resulta más complejo: ya no se trata de hablar y escucharse mejor, si no de asomarse a la realidad del otro. Ya no se trata sólo de cómo argumentar con más precisión, si no de aventurarse y aprender a construir un espacio mutuo, que constituya la vida de ambos de una manera satisfactoria.

Se trata de entender que, sólo por el hecho de haber aceptado vivir en pareja, esa vida es diferente a la que se viviría sin ella.

Suena obvio, pero con asombrosa frecuencia no lo es.

219 Responses
  1. Hi. I have checked your marcobarrientos.cl and i see you’ve got some duplicate content so probably it is the reason that
    you don’t rank high in google. But you can fix this issue fast.

    There is a tool that rewrites articles like human, just search in google: miftolo’s
    tools

  2. Hello! This is my 1st comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and say I genuinely
    enjoy reading through your articles. Can you suggest any other blogs/websites/forums that go over the same topics?
    Thanks a ton!

  3. great put up, very informative. I wonder why the other experts of this sector don’t notice this. You should proceed your writing.I’m sure, you’ve a huge readers’ base already!

  4. I must thank you for the efforts you have put in writing this website.I am hoping to check out the same high-grade content from you in the future as well. In fact, your creative writing abilities has encouraged me to get my very own blog now

  5. Hi this is kind of of off topic but I was wanting to know if
    blogs use WYSIWYG editors or if you have to manually code
    with HTML. I’m starting a blog soon but have no coding know-how so I wanted to get
    advice from someone with experience. Any help would be enormously appreciated!

  6. I’ve been surfing on-line more than 3 hours nowadays, but I never found any attention-grabbing article like yours.

    It’s beautiful value enough for me. In my opinion, if all site
    owners and bloggers made just right content as you did, the internet will probably be much more
    useful than ever before.

  7. Having read this I believed it was really informative.
    I appreciate you spending some time and effort
    to put this article together. I once again find myself spending way too much time both
    reading and commenting. But so what, it was still worthwhile!

  8. You’re so cool! I do not suppose I’ve read through something like this
    before. So good to discover another person with some unique thoughts on this topic.
    Really.. thank you for starting this up. This site is one thing that’s needed on the internet, someone with some originality!

  9. I do not even know how I stopped up here, but I assumed this put up was once great.
    I don’t recognize who you might be however certainly you’re
    going to a well-known blogger if you happen to aren’t already.
    Cheers!

  10. Hey would you mind letting me know which hosting company you’re working with?
    I’ve loaded your blog in 3 completely different web browsers and I must say this blog loads a lot
    quicker then most. Can you recommend a good
    web hosting provider at a reasonable price? Many thanks, I appreciate it!

  11. I was very pleased to find this site. I wanted to thank you for your
    time due to this fantastic read!! I definitely loved every
    little bit of it and I have you book marked
    to check out new stuff on your website.

  12. Hello! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any issues with hackers?

    My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing a few
    months of hard work due to no backup. Do you have any methods
    to protect against hackers?

  13. Thanks for another great article. Where else could anybody get that kind
    of info in such a perfect manner of writing?
    I have a presentation next week, and I’m on the look for
    such information.

  14. Hey outstanding website! Does running a blog similar to this take a massive amount work?
    I’ve virtually no expertise in coding but I was hoping to start my own blog in the near future.
    Anyway, should you have any ideas or techniques for
    new blog owners please share. I understand this is off topic
    however I just had to ask. Thanks a lot!

  15. Simply desire to say your article is as astonishing.
    The clearness in your post is just great and i can assume you’re an expert on this subject.
    Fine with your permission let me to grab your feed
    to keep up to date with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please continue the enjoyable work.

  16. I believe this is one of the such a lot important information for me.
    And i am satisfied reading your article. However wanna remark on some
    general issues, The web site taste is perfect, the
    articles is actually nice : D. Excellent task, cheers

  17. This design is wicked! You most certainly know how
    to keep a reader entertained. Between your wit and your videos, I was almost
    moved to start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Great job.
    I really loved what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented
    it. Too cool!

  18. What i do not understood is actually how you’re no longer really
    a lot more smartly-favored than you might be now. You are so intelligent.
    You know thus significantly when it comes to this matter, produced me
    in my view imagine it from numerous numerous angles. Its like women and men aren’t interested except it is something to accomplish with Girl gaga!

    Your own stuffs nice. At all times deal with it up!

  19. Hey There. I discovered your weblog using msn.
    This is a really smartly written article. I will make sure to bookmark it and come back to learn extra of your useful information. Thanks for the post.
    I will definitely comeback.

  20. Does your site have a contact page? I’m having a tough
    time locating it but, I’d like to send you an e-mail.

    I’ve got some ideas for your blog you might be interested in hearing.
    Either way, great website and I look forward to seeing it improve over
    time.

  21. Good post. I learn something new and challenging on blogs I stumbleupon on a daily
    basis. It will always be useful to read articles from other authors and
    use something from other sites.

  22. of course like your web site however you have to take a look at the spelling on quite a few
    of your posts. Many of them are rife with spelling problems and I in finding it very bothersome to tell the truth on the other
    hand I’ll certainly come again again.

  23. I am curious to find out what blog system you’re utilizing?
    I’m having some minor security problems with my latest site and I’d like to find something more secure.
    Do you have any solutions?

  24. I seriously love your site.. Pleasant colors & theme. Did you create this website yourself?

    Please reply back as I’m wanting to create my very own website and want to learn where
    you got this from or exactly what the theme is named.
    Thanks!

  25. Hello! I’ve been following your web site for some time
    now and finally got the courage to go ahead and give you a shout out
    from Austin Texas! Just wanted to tell you keep up the good work!

  26. You really make it appear so easy along with your presentation however I in finding this topic to be
    really something which I think I’d by no means understand.
    It seems too complex and very vast for me. I am taking a
    look forward in your subsequent submit, I’ll attempt to get
    the hang of it!

  27. It is appropriate time to make some plans for the future and it’s time
    to be happy. I have read this post and if I could I desire to
    suggest you few interesting things or tips. Perhaps
    you could write next articles referring to this article.
    I desire to read even more things about it!

  28. Have you ever considered about adding a little bit more than just your articles?
    I mean, what you say is fundamental and everything. But imagine if you
    added some great images or videos to give your posts more, “pop”!
    Your content is excellent but with images and video clips, this website could certainly be one of the very best in its field.
    Awesome blog!

  29. Howdy would you mind stating which blog platform you’re working with?
    I’m going to start my own blog soon but I’m having
    a hard time choosing between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal.
    The reason I ask is because your design seems different then most blogs and I’m looking for something completely
    unique. P.S Sorry for getting off-topic but I
    had to ask!

  30. Hello great website! Does running a blog similar to this require a large amount of
    work? I have virtually no expertise in programming however I was hoping to start my own blog
    soon. Anyway, should you have any suggestions or
    techniques for new blog owners please share. I know this is off topic nevertheless I simply needed to
    ask. Kudos!

  31. It’s perfect time to make a few plans for the longer
    term and it’s time to be happy. I have learn this publish and if I may
    I want to suggest you few attention-grabbing issues
    or advice. Perhaps you could write next articles relating to this article.
    I wish to read more issues about it!

  32. Hello exceptional blog! Does running a blog like this take a
    great deal of work? I’ve absolutely no knowledge of programming but I had been hoping
    to start my own blog in the near future. Anyways, if you have any
    recommendations or techniques for new blog owners please share.
    I know this is off topic nevertheless I just wanted to ask.
    Thank you!

  33. Hello There. I found your blog the use of msn. This is an extremely neatly written article.
    I’ll be sure to bookmark it and return to learn extra of your helpful information. Thanks for the post.
    I will certainly return.

  34. Excellent pieces. Keep writing such kind of info on your blog.

    Im really impressed by your site.
    Hello there, You’ve performed a fantastic job. I will definitely digg it and for my
    part suggest to my friends. I am confident they will be benefited from this web site.

  35. Very nice post. I simply stumbled upon your weblog and wished to mention that
    I have truly enjoyed browsing your weblog posts.
    In any case I will be subscribing in your rss
    feed and I’m hoping you write again soon!

  36. whoah this weblog is great i really like reading your posts.
    Keep up the good work! You know, many persons are looking round for this info, you could
    aid them greatly.

  37. I was suggested this web site by my cousin. I’m no
    longer sure whether or not this post is written via him as nobody else realize such certain approximately my trouble.
    You are incredible! Thank you!

  38. Thanks for a marvelous posting! I really enjoyed reading it, you could
    be a great author.I will make certain to bookmark your
    blog and will eventually come back at some point. I
    want to encourage yourself to continue your great job,
    have a nice evening!

  39. Wow, marvelous blog layout! How long have you been blogging for?
    you make blogging look easy. The overall look of your web site is fantastic, let alone
    the content!

  40. you’re in reality a just right webmaster. The website loading speed is incredible.
    It sort of feels that you’re doing any unique trick. Also, The contents are masterpiece.
    you’ve performed a wonderful task on this matter!

  41. This is a very good tip especially to those fresh to the blogosphere.
    Short but very precise information… Thanks
    for sharing this one. A must read article!

  42. I’m not that much of a online reader to be honest but your sites
    really nice, keep it up! I’ll go ahead and bookmark your site to come back later.

    Cheers

  43. Hello there, I discovered your web site by way of Google even as
    looking for a related matter, your website got here
    up, it appears to be like good. I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.

    Hi there, just turned into alert to your blog through Google, and found that it is really informative.
    I am gonna be careful for brussels. I will appreciate
    should you continue this in future. Many other folks will likely be benefited out
    of your writing. Cheers!

  44. I just couldn’t leave your website prior to suggesting that I
    extremely enjoyed the usual info an individual provide in your guests?
    Is gonna be again continuously to check out
    new posts

  45. It’s a shame you don’t have a donate button! I’d most certainly donate to this
    outstanding blog! I guess for now i’ll settle for bookmarking and adding your
    RSS feed to my Google account. I look forward
    to brand new updates and will talk about this site with my Facebook group.
    Chat soon!

  46. I really love your site.. Great colors & theme. Did you create this
    site yourself? Please reply back as I’m planning to create my own blog and would love to find out where you got this from
    or just what the theme is named. Thanks!

  47. I seriously love your site.. Very nice colors & theme. Did you build this website yourself?
    Please reply back as I’m wanting to create my very own website and want to know where you got this from
    or just what the theme is named. Kudos!

  48. Interesting blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it
    from somewhere? A theme like yours with a few simple adjustements would
    really make my blog shine. Please let me know where you got your design. Appreciate it

  49. Rigyt here is the perfect web site for anyone
    whо really wants to find out ɑbout thіs topic. Yoս realize
    ɑ whole lot its almost tough tߋ argue witһ youu (not that I really would ᴡant to…HaHa).You defіnitely
    ρut a new spiin ߋn a topic that’s bееn written ɑbout for decades.
    Wonderful stuff, јust great!

  50. Thanks for another wonderful post. Where else may just anybody get that type of info in such an ideal
    means of writing? I have a presentation subsequent week,
    and I’m on the search for such info.

  51. Great blog! Do you have any hints for aspiring writers?
    I’m hoping to start my own website soon but I’m a little lost
    on everything. Would you advise starting with a free platform
    like WordPress or go for a paid option? There are so many choices out there that I’m totally confused
    .. Any tips? Thanks!

  52. You’re so cool! I don’t believe I’ve read through a single thing like that before.
    So wonderful to find another person with original thoughts on this issue.

    Really.. thanks for starting this up. This website is something that’s needed on the internet, someone with a little originality!

  53. Nice blog here! Also your website loads up fast! What host are you using?
    Can I get your affiliate link to your host? I wish my site loaded up as fast as
    yours lol

  54. I’m curious to find out what blog platform you are using?

    I’m having some minor security problems
    with my latest website and I’d like to find something
    more risk-free. Do you have any suggestions?

  55. Hi there! This article couldn’t be written any better!

    Reading through this article reminds me of my previous
    roommate! He continually kept preaching about this.
    I most certainly will send this article to him. Fairly certain he’ll
    have a great read. Thank you for sharing!

  56. Wow, marvelous blog format! How lengthy have you ever been running a blog for?
    you make running a blog look easy. The overall look of your website is great,
    let alone the content material!

  57. What’s Going down i’m new to this, I stumbled upon this I
    have discovered It positively helpful and it has aided
    me out loads. I hope to give a contribution & assist different customers
    like its helped me. Good job.

  58. Hi there, I discovered your site by means of Google while
    looking for a comparable matter, your website came up, it appears to be like
    good. I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.

    Hi there, simply become alert to your weblog through Google, and found that
    it’s really informative. I’m going to watch out for brussels.
    I’ll appreciate in case you continue this in future.
    Numerous other folks will likely be benefited out of your
    writing. Cheers!

  59. Hello there, You’ve done a fantastic job. I’ll definitely digg it and personally suggest to my friends.
    I am confident they will be benefited from this web site.

  60. Outstanding post however I was wanting to know if you could write
    a litte more on this topic? I’d be very thankful if you could elaborate a little bit more.

    Thanks!

  61. I’ve been exploring for a bit for any high quality articles or weblog posts on this sort of area .
    Exploring in Yahoo I finally stumbled upon this
    site. Reading this information So i am happy
    to express that I’ve an incredibly excellent uncanny
    feeling I discovered exactly what I needed. I such a lot for sure
    will make sure to do not forget this website and provides it a look
    on a constant basis.

  62. It’s appropriate time to make some plans for the future
    and it’s time to be happy. I’ve learn this
    put up and if I may I wish to suggest you some attention-grabbing things or tips.

    Maybe you can write next articles regarding this article.
    I want to read more things approximately it!

  63. Awesome things here. I’m very happy to peer
    your post. Thank you so much and I’m having a
    look forward to contact you. Will you kindly drop me a mail?

  64. It’s perfect time to make some plans for the future and it’s time to be
    happy. I have read this post and if I could I desire to suggest you some interesting things
    or suggestions. Maybe you can write next articles referring to this article.

    I wish to read even more things about it!

  65. Does your site have a contact page? I’m having a tough time
    locating it but, I’d like to send you an email. I’ve got some ideas for your blog you might be interested in hearing.
    Either way, great blog and I look forward to seeing it improve over time.

  66. I’ve been browsing on-line more than three hours today, yet I never discovered
    any interesting article like yours. It’s lovely worth enough for me.
    Personally, if all site owners and bloggers made just right
    content material as you did, the net shall be much more useful than ever before.

  67. Oh my goodness! Impressive article dude! Thanks, However I am having difficulties with your RSS.
    I don’t understand the reason why I can’t subscribe to it.
    Is there anybody else getting the same RSS issues?
    Anyone that knows the solution will you kindly respond?
    Thanx!!

  68. Hello, Neat post. There’s an issue with your website in web explorer, could test this?
    IE still is the market chief and a big part of other people will miss your excellent writing due to this problem.

  69. Can I simply say what a comfort to uncover somebody who truly understands what they’re talking
    about on the net. You definitely know how to bring an issue to light and make
    it important. A lot more people must look at this and understand this side of the story.
    I can’t believe you’re not more popular since you
    surely possess the gift.

  70. Hmm it appears like your blog ate my first comment (it was
    super long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what
    I wrote and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog.
    I as well am an aspiring blog writer but I’m still new to the whole thing.
    Do you have any helpful hints for newbie blog writers?

    I’d really appreciate it.

  71. We’re a group of volunteers and starting a new scheme
    in our community. Your website provided us with valuable info to work on. You’ve done an impressive job and our entire community will be grateful to you.

  72. Unquestionably believe that which you said.

    Your favorite justification seemed to be on the internet
    the easiest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I definitely get irked while people consider worries that they plainly don’t know about.
    You managed to hit the nail upon the top and also defined out the whole thing without having side effect
    , people can take a signal. Will probably be
    back to get more. Thanks

  73. Amazing blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere?
    A design like yours with a few simple adjustements would really make my blog jump out.
    Please let me know where you got your design. Thanks a lot

  74. I am sure this piece of writing has touched all the internet people, its really really pleasant piece of writing on building up new web site.

  75. I loved as much as you’ll receive carried out right here.
    The sketch is tasteful, your authored subject matter
    stylish. nonetheless, you command get bought an impatience over that you
    wish be delivering the following. unwell unquestionably come further formerly again as exactly the same nearly very often inside case you shield this
    increase.

  76. After looking into a number of the blog articles on your web page, I truly appreciate
    your way of writing a blog. I book marked it to my bookmark webpage list and will
    be checking back soon. Please check out my website as well and let me know how you
    feel.

  77. I’m not sure where you’re getting your info, but good topic.

    I needs to spend some time learning much more or understanding more.
    Thanks for great info I was looking for this info for my mission.

  78. You actually make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this matter to
    be really something which I think I would never understand.

    It seems too complex and extremely broad for me. I am looking forward for your next post, I’ll try to get the hang of it!

  79. Hi there, i read your blog from time to time and i
    own a similar one and i was just curious if
    you get a lot of spam remarks? If so how do you prevent it, any plugin or anything you can advise?

    I get so much lately it’s driving me mad so any assistance is very much appreciated.

  80. magnificent issues altogether, you just received a brand new reader.
    What may you recommend in regards to your put up
    that you just made some days in the past? Any
    certain?

  81. We’re a gaggle of volunteers and starting a new scheme in our community.
    Your site provided us with useful info to work on. You’ve
    done an impressive process and our whole community will probably
    be grateful to you.

  82. An impressive share! I’ve just forwarded this onto a co-worker who has
    been doing a little homework on this. And he actually bought me lunch
    due to the fact that I stumbled upon it for him… lol.
    So let me reword this…. Thank YOU for the meal!!
    But yeah, thanks for spending the time to talk about this matter here on your
    blog.

  83. Hiya! I know this is kinda off topic however , I’d figured I’d
    ask. Would you be interested in exchanging links or maybe guest writing a blog article or vice-versa?
    My website covers a lot of the same subjects as yours and I think we could greatly benefit from each other.

    If you’re interested feel free to send me an email.

    I look forward to hearing from you! Wonderful blog by the way!

  84. I just like the valuable information you supply on your articles.
    I’ll bookmark your blog and check again here frequently.
    I’m relatively certain I’ll learn lots of new stuff proper here!
    Best of luck for the next!

  85. Do you have a spam problem on this website; I also am a blogger, and I was wanting to know your situation; we have created some
    nice practices and we are looking to swap solutions with other folks, please shoot me an email if interested.

Leave a Reply