El sacrificio no constituye cariño

Psicólogo Marco Barrientos

He oído muchas veces esta frase cuando alguien, un hijo por ejemplo, le hace a otro una exigencia de cariño: “yo me he sacrificado por ti”.

La respuesta es convincente para el que la emite, seguramente porque logra contactarse con el sentido profundo de los actos de entrega que ha hecho para sostener la relación: sabe que ha trabajado duro para pagar las cuentas, que ha cuidado en la enfermedad, que se ha preocupado por proveer los bienes necesarios para el estilo de vida que quieren llevar, que ha cocinado los platos favoritos del otro, en fin; pero aún así todo esto no parece satisfacer los requerimientos de cariño que efectúa la otra persona y más aún, el intento de demostración de estos sacrificios como cariño parecen agravar la molestia. ¿Por qué pasa esto?, ¿por qué estas condiciones no son suficiente expresión de cariño hacia un otro?.

La respuesta está en la experiencia. El sacrificio no constituye cariño. No lo hace porque la emoción del sacrificio es la de la exigencia, del esfuerzo, del trabajo; es una emoción que se distancia de la suavidad y lo placentero del cariño y a la que sólo se le puede dar esa connotación cariñosa en la reflexión sobre el sentido de tal acto, pero no en la experiencia.

Cuando un otro le pide cariño, cuando le muestra y le pide que sea cariñoso, nunca está pidiendo una enumeración de los trabajos realizados o los compromisos cumplidos, lo que esa persona hecha de menos es disfrutar de un espacio compartido de intimidad, de complicidad, de atención, de caricias o palabras amorosas. Un espacio suave en el que esa persona se entere de lo valiosa que es para Ud. y viceversa.

Por supuesto que los esfuerzos que hacemos en forma desinteresada por nuestros cercanos constituyen espacios de entrega amorosa, que cobran gran sentido, como se dijo más atrás, para el que los ejecuta, pero para que esos actos sean revestidos de ese significado de entrega amorosa, es necesario que sean matizados, en la relación, por otros actos puramente amorosos en los que prime la entrega al disfrute con el otro. De no existir estos últimos o de ser muy escasos, se corre el riesgo de que la relación se sostenga más que en el placer de la convivencia, en la vivencia de la exigencia.

Entregarse al espacio del cariño ofrece la posibilidad de vincularse en lo amoroso, de disfrutar con el otro, de relajarse, de salirse por un rato de la exigencia de la vida. 

El cariño constituye un espacio para entregarse al goce de la convivencia.

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